So you’re going to a beer festival and are worried about saying the wrong thing. Don’t be!

I’ll preface this light-hearted ramble through over-used beer terms by saying “forgive me, for I have sinned” for I have used ALL of these, and many more than once!

A is for Acetaldehyde. Save that for when you’re having a Budweiser.

B is for Brett or Bretty. Unless the beer was made someone called Brett.

C is for Crispy. A corn chip is crispy. Burnt toast is crispy. Your beer is not crispy.

D is for Diacetyl, and especially D-domb. No, you are not picking up diacetyl in that DDH imperial milkshake IPA.

E is for Ester. Not to be confused with anyone you know called Esther.

F is for Funk, even if it’s made by Funk Estate.

G is for Grass, especially freshly-cut grass. Although …

H is for Horsey. And horse blanket. And anything equine.

I is for Isoamyl acetate. Banana will do.

J is for Juicy Boi. But I will continue to accept “juicy banger”.

K is for Kwispelbier. Unless you’ve actually bought your dog.

L is for Lambic.  Unless it is actually comes from Belgium otherwise it’s just spontaneously-fermented ale.

M is for Mercaptan, no-one wants to know about your shitty beer.

N is for Nose. As in “I’m getting passionfruit on the nose”.

beer festival terms
Saturday night at Beervana. Photo / Beervana

O is for Oxidized. Unlikely with kegged beer at a festival, but if it tastes like old cardboard …

P is for Piss. You’re not at The Railway Hotel anymore, mate.

Q is for Quaffable. My good fellow please desist.  

R is for Reinheitsgebot. Purity law, be damned.

S is for Skunky. You’re indoors. The beer came from a keg. It is not lightstruck. Exception = Shining Peak Skunk Juice.

T is for Thin. It’s a beer, not soup. Thicc is also out.

U is for Untappd. Stay away from that app and just enjoy the beer.

V is for VDK (see D)

W is for Worty. Rhymes with dirty and it’s hurty to my ears.

X is for XPA, there’s just no place for the Ed Sheeran of beer styles at festival.

Y is for Yellow Fizzy Water. Just don’t. Unless it’s a lemon seltzer, then OK.

Z is for Zythologist, even if, by now, you are one.