So you’re going to a beer festival and are worried about saying the wrong thing. Don’t be!
I’ll preface this light-hearted ramble through over-used beer terms by saying “forgive me, for I have sinned” for I have used ALL of these, and many more than once!
A is for Acetaldehyde. Save that for when you’re having a Budweiser.
B is for Brett or Bretty. Unless the beer was made someone called Brett.
C is for Crispy. A corn chip is crispy. Burnt toast is crispy. Your beer is not crispy.
D is for Diacetyl, and especially D-domb. No, you are not picking up diacetyl in that DDH imperial milkshake IPA.
E is for Ester. Not to be confused with anyone you know called Esther.
F is for Funk, even if it’s made by Funk Estate.
G is for Grass, especially freshly-cut grass. Although …
H is for Horsey. And horse blanket. And anything equine.
I is for Isoamyl acetate. Banana will do.
J is for Juicy Boi. But I will continue to accept “juicy banger”.
K is for Kwispelbier. Unless you’ve actually bought your dog.
L is for Lambic. Unless it is actually comes from Belgium otherwise it’s just spontaneously-fermented ale.
M is for Mercaptan, no-one wants to know about your shitty beer.
N is for Nose. As in “I’m getting passionfruit on the nose”.
O is for Oxidized. Unlikely with kegged beer at a festival, but if it tastes like old cardboard …
P is for Piss. You’re not at The Railway Hotel anymore, mate.
Q is for Quaffable. My good fellow please desist.
R is for Reinheitsgebot. Purity law, be damned.
S is for Skunky. You’re indoors. The beer came from a keg. It is not lightstruck. Exception = Shining Peak Skunk Juice.
T is for Thin. It’s a beer, not soup. Thicc is also out.
U is for Untappd. Stay away from that app and just enjoy the beer.
V is for VDK (see D)
W is for Worty. Rhymes with dirty and it’s hurty to my ears.
X is for XPA, there’s just no place for the Ed Sheeran of beer styles at festival.
Y is for Yellow Fizzy Water. Just don’t. Unless it’s a lemon seltzer, then OK.
Z is for Zythologist, even if, by now, you are one.